I have real pain.  Pain that some will never see.  Some pain that would absolutely knock people out of their seats.  Pain that is so deeply hidden underneath layers of what everyone else views as face-value beauty.  My only wish is that one day, I will have someone that I can discuss my pain with, shed my tears, be broken down to nothing, and have her pick me back up...slowly...but surely.  I hope that she will have pain too.  Pain is what makes us human beings, what makes us mortal...it connects us all as individuals.  THERE IS NOT ONE PERSON ON THIS EARTH THAT HAS NOT FELT PAIN IN SOME WAY.  My pain and I have a love/hate relationship.  I love my pain for the man it makes me today, but hate it because of the things it causes me to remember.  I wasn't always a good person, and I have done a lot of things that I'm not proud of.  That being said, I had to live to learn, I had to make bad decisions to realize that they were bad decisions.

I'm not even sure of my intentions of writing tonight.  It's 1am, I have class tomorrow, a huge baseball season coming up that I have been working so hard for...yet...here I am awake and hurting.  All I know is someone out there is feeling pain tonight also...me and you both...we will fight and battle and continue to live through this feeling of pain together.  I do not fear my pain, and neither should you.  Pain is a feeling that makes me feel alive as a human.  Pain brings me back to reality sometimes...and for that I am truly grateful.

You're not alone with your pain out there, you have me....even when you have no one else.

-J