How depression is brought on is by an imbalance of chemicals in one's brain. The body and mind is connected in so many ways, more than we can ever imagine. I guess it's only natural for me to think back to all the things I used to put into my body...all the chemicals that caused me temporary happiness, temporary feelings of relief. A temporary escape from the thoughts that I was too weak to face head on. I remember a specific time that I looked in the mirror. This was during my time that I lived and attended college in New Jersey. I looked in the mirror and hated what I saw, so I did everything in my power to change that. I cut hair every single day, I shaved my face every single day, I tweezed my eyebrows every single day, I had a ridiculous six pack, my muscles were ridiculous, I was nice and tan...but really all that was a mask. A mask for what rested behind that my eyes, the confusion and thoughts that just chilled in my brain on a daily basis. I was UNBELIEVABLE at acting, putting on this front to make it seem like I am this happy-go-lucky beautiful Italian man just partying his way through life.

But that's all it was, just an act. Deep down in I knew that everything I was doing was morally wrong. My parents didn't raise me to be the individual that I was portraying myself as. I was ashamed of who I was....

So, one day, I had enough. One day I decided to stop letting the opinions of others stop drowning out my own inner voice. I decided to be Jordan, as genuine and as true as I could be. Regardless of the friends I would lose, the girls that would stop presenting themselves to me, the changes I knew I would have to make in order to find happiness.

So there it is, I began a journey....happiness is exactly that, it's not a destination, it's a journey. This is a path that we must walk down every single day until we can no longer walk. Then we will wheelchair, crutch, crawl, whatever we must to do continue on. WE WILL FIGHT AND WE WILL WIN. ENDING IT ALL IS NOTHING MORE THAN A COWARDLY WAY OUT OF THIS BATTLE...

Muhammad Ali once said, "suffer now, and forever be a champion"...so...do you have what it takes to be a champion? Remember, you are not your thoughts, you are not your wants, you are not your material possessions, YOU are YOU. You are your soul, your desires, your passions, your genuine authenticity.

If you have no one else, you better know damn well that you have me...because I fight this battle with you...and I will win this battle with you.

Much love.

-J